Rules
by koughami
Summary: Erwin Smith had three rules that he lived by: Never fall in love, never marry, and never father children. But why are rules made, if not to be broken?


Based off of this headcanon over at snkimagine on tumblr. Basically I couldn't get it out of my head and so I wrote a oneshot about it. I just wanted an excuse to make Erwin and Armin related. XD

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He broke rule number one when he was only nineteen years old. He had moved up in the ranks of the Survey Corps enough to finally be the captain of his own squad, though not nearly high enough to actually pick who was put in it. His first squad was a bunch of fresh recruits, and she was one of them. Janice was a petite girl with light brown curls and a warm smile. One look at her and he just _knew_ she wouldn't last one day outside the walls, so it surprised him when she wound up being the only one of the newcomers who survived. Though no titans actually fell at her hands, she had gained his respect.

On their second mission, she saved his life. His horse had spooked and he was thrown from it and onto the blade of a fallen comrade, slicing a gash in his leg in the process. Janice had been driving a supply cart and had pulled him into the back after passing the reins to another squad member. It didn't actually dawn on him that she was a field medic, specially trained for instances like this, until she was done with tightly wrapping several strips of cloth around his leg to stop the bleeding. There weren't many field medics anymore since most of them died on their first missions, but they still existed. Many of them were the children of rich families who didn't want them to have to go through the rigorous training that other officers had to endure.

Up until this moment he'd made it a point not to get too attached to his squad members, because they would just die anyways. But Janice Harper intrigued him, and little by little she managed to worm her way into his life. It was the little things that had him falling head over heels for this girl two years his junior. It was the way that her nose scrunched up and her eyes crinkled when she let out a genuine laugh. It was the way that her brow furrowed when she was deep in concentration while treating a patient's wounds. It was how she would manage to fake a smile for a soldier who injuries were beyond healing. It was how she would take flowers from the edge of the forest and leave them at the bed of every fallen soldier.

In short, Erwin smith was a goner from the moment he laid eyes on her. He just didn't realize it until he was too in too deep to care about breaking rules. The only good that came of the situation was that she returned his feelings in full, though it took her much more time to reciprocate them.

Janice was a reserved woman, though her friendly attitude told another story. Like himself, she had carefully crafted walls around herself so high that it took someone with a special talent to climb over them. Somehow, Erwin managed. Little by little, he managed to piece together the mystery that was Janice Harper. He learned that her parents were wealthy merchants from the capital city. He learned that she had run away from home to join the military at only fourteen years to escape a marriage to a man she had never met. He learned that even after her parents had disowned her for her acts, her two older brothers refused to stop sending letters. Letters that she kept, but never replied to.

She was lonely and broken. He was broken and lonely. So they did what broken, lonely people do. They latched on to each other and didn't let go, both metaphorically and physically. Thought the Survey Corps had no real rules against fraternization due to the high mortality rate, the two kept their budding relationship behind closed doors for the most part. They were content with stolen kisses and heated looks from across the room when they thought no one was looking. It was a miracle that somehow they managed to keep all of this completely separate from anything work related. When they were outside the walls, the other was just a soldier and not a lover. And they managed things just fine until they broke Erwin's other two rules all at once.

Erwin had promised himself that he would never marry or father children because it was definite that just being a _member_ of the Survey Corps would bring about his death far earlier than it should be. He wasn't so much worried about his own death than he was about leaving someone behind. He should have known that if the two of them lived long enough that this would be the end result. When she told him that she was expecting, he did what any decent man in his position would do. He gave her his last name to save both of their reputations.

The ceremony itself was small. There were only five people in attendance, not including the priest who officiated it. And despite the fact that he had just broken yet another one of his only three rules, the day Janice Harper became Janice Smith was one of the happiest days of his life.

The months passed slowly, and as Janice's stomach began to swell, so did Erwin's enthusiasm about becoming a father. This was a life that he and the woman he loved had created. It was a part of them, and how could something that amazing be a bad thing? It didn't affect him doing his duty as a soldier. He still went on missions outside the walls. The only real difference was that Janice wasn't slaying titans alongside him. Neither one of them knew that the last expedition the two of them went on together would be the last one Janice _ever_ went on.

Erwin was outside the walls when she went into labor. The birth was harsh and long, and by the time their baby gave its first cry she had drawn her last breath. That was the day that Erwin Smith decided that he would give their beautiful baby boy the life he deserved, and not the one that he was able to give. He hadn't realized that he even _wanted_ a family until he had it. As he looked down at the tiny sleeping baby in his arms, he knew what he had to do. Erwin was a soldier first and foremost. He was used to making hard choices, but the decision to give their son away was the hardest one he ever made.

He didn't give their son a name. It would only make the parting that much more painful. He would let the couple who adopted him have that right. They were his parents now, after all. They would be able to give him a stable home with parents who weren't likely to die every day. And though it pained him to admit it, they would be able to love him like Erwin couldn't.

No matter how much time passed, Erwin always wondered what had become of the son he gave up. Was he caring and gentle-hearted like his mother, or was the boy calculating like he himself was? When Wall Maria had fallen, was he one of those lost in the chaos? Questions like these plagued him constantly, no matter how hard to push them to the back of his mind.

It wasn't until he met Armin Arlert that he found out the answers to these questions.


End file.
